Funny Present Simple

1.  – Mummy, does God use our bathroom?

-No, dear, why?

– Because every morning Daddy bangs on the door and shouts:”Oh, God, are you still in here?”

2.

Professor: Can you tell me anything about the great chemists of the 17th century?

Student: Yes, sir, they are all dead.

3. A Barking Dog Doesn’t Bite

“Sam”, says his father,”put on your cap and coat and let us go for a walk.” Sam is very happy. He likes to go out with his father. He puts on his cap and coat and says:”Father, I am ready.”

Sam and his father go out in the street. Suddenly they see a big black dog. The dog begins to bark. Sam is afaraid of the dog. He wants to run home. His father says:”Don’t be afaraid, Sam. Don’t you know the proverb:”A barking dog does not bite?”

“Oh, yes,” says Sam, “I know the proverb, you know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb?”

4.

 Servant: Sir! The house is on fire!

Absent-minded professor: Say it to my wife – she looks after household affairs.

5. Heat and a Cold

A class of Phisics at school.

The teacher: Now, who can tell me anything about heat?

A small boy holds up his hand: “Heat makes things larger, sir, and cold makes things smaller.”

“All right, give an example.”

“In summer days are longer because it is hot, in winter they are shorter because it is cold.”