20. Bob Is Looking for a New Job – Level 3
https://www.jokesinlevels.com/bob-job-level-3/
Bob Smith wasn’t happy about his job and decided to find a new job somewhere else. They always told him “NO“ when he asked for a job. It was because people knew him as someone who didn’t like working at all. He had a very bad reputation. One day the phone rang at his office. Bob did not usually pick up the phone but this time he did.
“Hi,“ said the man on the line, “I have an unusual question to ask you. I need some information about Bob Smith. He is applying for a position in our company. Do you know him?“
„Sure, I know him,“ responded Bob with a smile.
“Tell me,“ asked the man, “is he a hard-working person? Does he always come to work on time?“
“Well, I’ll be honest,“ Bob replied, “ I’m not such a hard-working man, but whenever I’m here Bob is here!“
19. Teenagers and Cats
http://www.jokesinlevels.com/teenagers-cats-l-2/
If you have a teenager, you might find some similarities between them and cats. For example:
1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
2. No matter what you do for them, they look happy just a little bit. Or sometimes there is no reaction at all.
3. You almost never see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.
4. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living room sofa for hours without moving.
5. Cats and teenagers keep coming home when they want.
6. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers behave as if they did.
18. Time for another 10,000 push-ups!
A man died and went straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms that he could choose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn’t breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn’t want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The man looked for a while and then told the devil that this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, drank his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, “Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!”
17. My Wife Can’t Hear! – Level 2
http://www.jokesinlevels.com/wife-cant-hear-level-2/
An old man goes to the doctor. He complains that his wife can’t hear.
“You need to test your wife. Stand far behind her and ask her a question. Then, start going closer to her. You will see how close you’ll get when she hears you.”
The old man is happy that he can help his wife. He runs home. He sees that his wife is making dinner.
“Honey!” the man says standing 20 feet away.
“What are we having for dinner?” he asks.
The wife doesn’t reply. The man tries again. He stands 15 feet away, but there is no answer. He stands 10 feet away and asks again. No answer.
Finally, he is 5 feet away, “Honey, what are we having for dinner?”
“I’ve told you four times! Lasagne!”
Her daughter replied, “Better than that, four of them recognised it!”
A man has a big garden around his house. An old dog comes to his garden. The dog looks at the man and then lies down next to him.
When the man stands up and walks to the house, the dog walks behind him. When they are inside, the dog jumps on the sofa, closes his eyes and sleeps for one hour. Then he wakes up and walks to the door. The man lets the dog out.
The next day the dog comes again. He jumps on the sofa and sleeps for an hour. This is happening every day for three weeks. The man wants to know why the dog comes to his house. He writes on a piece of paper these words, “Every afternoon your dog comes to my house and sleeps for one hour on my sofa.” Then the man puts this piece of paper on his collar.
The next day the dog comes with a different piece of paper on his collar. It says, “He lives in a home with four children. He needs some quite place to relax. Can I come with him tomorrow?”
14. Vacuum Cleaner Salesman – Level 3
http://www.jokesinlevels.com/vacuum-cleaner-salesman-l3/
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Go away!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money!” and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man put his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. “Please let me in!” he said, “And see my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”
The old lady stepped back and said, “Well I hope you’ve got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.”
13. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/millionaire-l3/
Millionaire – Level 3
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would get only the $32,000 milestone money.
As she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question wasn’t easy. It was: Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it
A) the condor;
B) the pelican;
C) the cuckoo; or
D) the vulture?
The woman was lost. She did not know the answer. And she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped that she would not have to use it because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded quickly, “That’s easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo.”
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, it would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certainty, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded. “I need an answer,” said the host. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, “C: The cuckoo.”
“Is that your final answer?” asked the host. “Yes, that is my final answer.”
Two seconds later, the host said, “I regret to inform you that the answer is… absolutely correct.
You are now a millionaire!”
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. “Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you,” said the contestant. “Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was your certainty with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way, how did you happen to know the right answer?”
“Oh, come on!” said the blonde. “Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.”
12. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/beautiful-wife-l3/
Beautiful Wife – Level 3
Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”
They are knocked over, but continue to ask.
“So, how did you persuade her to marry you?”
“I lied about my age,” Bob replies.
“Did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”
11. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/knives-l-3/
Knives – Level 3
When he looks inside the car, he is shocked. The car is full of big knives.
“What are those big knives doing in your car?” asks the policeman.
“I play with them in a circus.”
“Oh, really?” says the policeman, who doesn’t believe him. “Let’s see how you do it.”
The man gets out and starts throwing and catching the knives. Another man, who is driving around, stops to watch the situation.
“Wow,” says this man. “I’m glad that I stopped drinking before driving. Look at the tests which they’re giving now!”
10. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/policeman-l-1/
One night a policeman is waiting in his car near a very busy bar. At 1 am, he can see a man who is walking out of the bar. The man goes slowly. He looks very drunk. He tries his key in five different cars. Then he finds his car. He sits in the front seat and he tries to start the car with his keys for 10 minutes. Everybody from the bar goes home. When he starts his car, he begins to drive.
The policeman is waiting for him. He stops the driver. Then he does the test for alcohol. The test shows 0.0. The policeman doesn’t understand. He wants to know how it is possible. The driver says, “Tonight, I’m playing the drunk man.”
9. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/good-driver-l-2/
Good Driver – Level 2
“No problem at all. I just saw your safe driving and I’m pleased to award you with a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations! What do you think you’ll do with this money?”
The guy thought for a minute and said, “Well, I guess I’ll go get that driver’s license.”
The lady who was sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, “Oh, don’t pay attention to him. He tries to be funny when he’s drunk.”
The guy from the back seat said, “I told you guys we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car!”
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, “Are we over the border yet?”
8. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/fisherman-snake-l-2/
Fisherman and Snake – Level 2
A few hours later, the fisherman was about to head home, when he felt something touching his leg. He looked down and was amazed to see the same water snake with 2 frogs in its mouth.
Put the verbs in order: 1) felt 2) put 3) moved away 4) removed 5) bite 6) to head 7) saw 8) poured 9) feared 10) knew 11) was amazed 12) grabbed
Hint: sawknewgrabbedremovedputfearedbitepouredmovedawaytoheadfeltwasamazed
7.http://www.jokesinlevels.com/punishment-l3/
Punishment
A student is talking to his teacher.
The student says, “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
The teacher replies, “Of course not!”
The student says, “Good, because I haven’t done my homework.”
6. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/texan-farmer-level-3/
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Australian farmer and gets talking. The Australian shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Australian shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have cattle that are at least twice as large as your cows.” The conversation almost dies when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those?” The Australian replies, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
5. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/dog-and-cat-level-3/
Dog and Cat – Level 3
A dog thinks, “Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, stroke me, and take good care of me. They must be gods!”
A cat thinks, “Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, stroke me, and take good care of me. I must be a god!”
4. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/ten-children-level-3/
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife,
“Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all away. But, I must know, does he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes, he does.”
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks,
“Who? Who is he? Who is the father?”
Again, the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as if she didn’t want to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, “You.”
3. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/monk-level-1/
Monk – Level 1
The head monk says,
“You must be quiet all the time. You can say only two words every three years.”
The man says OK. After the first 3 years, the head monk comes to him and says,
“What are your two words?”
“Food cold!” the man says.
Three more years go by and the head monk comes to him and says,
“What are your two words?”
“Clothes dirty!” the man shouts.
Three more years go by and the head monk comes to him and says,
“What are your two words?”
“I finish!” says the man.
“Well,” the head monk says, “It is logical and I understand. All your time in here, you speak only about problems!”
2. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/people-ignore-level-1/
People Ignore Me – Level 1
A patient walks into a doctor’s office.
“Doctor, people ignore me.”
“Next!”
1. http://www.jokesinlevels.com/category/level-2/
A photographer wants to take pictures of a forest fire. A small plane waits for him at the airport. The plane will fly him over the fire. The photographer comes to the airport only an hour before sunset. A small airplane is waiting there. He jumps in with his camera and shouts, “Go!”
The nervous man who is sitting in the pilot’s cabin starts the plane. Soon they’re in the air. There is a strong wind and the plane is making strange moves.
“Fly over the north side of the fire,” says the photographer, “And go very low.”
“Why?” asks the nervous pilot.
“Because I will take pictures!” shouts the photographer. “I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!”
The pilot says, “You are not the flight instructor?”
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